The Real Me

Transparency.  Its a glass window.  Its seeing through something...someone.  Knowing what's on the other side.  Seeing someone as they REALLY are....including their mistakes and struggles. Being real.  Not pretending.  It's not saying "I am fine", when I am not.
  One of life's biggest encouragements is knowing I am not alone.  Other people struggle.  Other people fail.  No one has the perfect life.  No one is free from mistakes or hurting.  No one has the perfect family or the perfect kids.  Perfection is unattainable on this earth.  I will never be perfect in myself, regardless of my 'front'.
  Pride and loss of focus are issues for me.  They keep me from being transparent. I don't want people knowing I am not perfect. I fear people will think less of me when they know the real me.  I fear disapproval.   I struggle TOO much with others thoughts of me (real or perceived). 
  But God has been teaching me how to maintain my focus on Him only.  I am learning to acknowledge what people think, but to focus on and please only God.  When I do this, my priorities change.  My priorities and focus maintain a Godly direction and all else disappears behind blinders.  I can't do this myself however, I have to ask God and He does it.   I can then step out in confidence saying I am a sinner in need of a savior.  I mess up.  I need God.  I also need the companionship of other believers.   I am not okay myself but with God I am clean.  And I am only good when God's inside me displaying His goodness.  I, Candis, in myself am a sinner.  Only with God am I anything.
  My mistakes are forgiven and transparency allows them to be stepping stones for others.  They are a hope for those struggling the same way.  They become opportunities for others to help me when I need it.  Transparency seems scary...it is acknowledging I don't "have it together".  Its acknowledging my weaknesses.  It's saying, "I am human".   But denying people access to the 'real me' denies them the truth.
  My prayer:
  You God, are the one and only God.  Through you I am what I am, nothing in myself.  I am a sinner and I am not perfect.  I make mistakes.  I thank you for your forgiveness and grace.  God, I pray you'd take my focus and place it on You.  Make me transparent, allow others to see the 'real me'.  I pray my life would be for your glory.  Thank you.

The normal state of my home on Third Lane.

 Philippians 2:1-4
If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.