Its funny sometimes. You feel you know yourself... What is there that you don't know right? That's what I used to think. To be honest, I felt to a degree, I had life dialed in. I knew myself and I knew where I stood before God. It's also funny that when you feel you've got anything "dialed in" before God, He kindly bumps you off your pedestal and reminds you who you really are. Or...what you are.
I serve a God that loves me...so much so He allowed his Son to die on the cross in my place. I know He loves me. So I have no other way to take correction and insight than that it's given with love.
A few weeks ago the Lord asked me to do something. In hindsight, He asked me a long time ago...I have just been procrastinating. To be honest, I didn't even realize I was procrastinating...I just kept putting it off. My reason: well, that's something recently revealed to me. That's something I didn't have so dialed in. It's bizarre how you can live with something for so long and not realize it's inside of you. I guess I don't know myself as well as I thought. FEAR. I struggle with fear.
I fear what people think. I fear that I don't fit in. I fear that people will talk about me badly. I fear that I will lose friends. I fear....I fear....I fear....I............ Wow. I have sat up here on my little isolated hill thinking I have stuff dialed in....and yet I am not obeying Christ....because........of fear. Fear that I didn't realize I even had...and yet it has taken over a huge part of my life. Wow...talk about being blind. Ya....guess I didn't have things so dialed in.
God is so good though. He doesn't condemn mistakes. He is the giver of forgiveness and GRACE. Grace (paraphrased): Unmerited favor...a gift undeserved. He is so good to hand out grace. I so don't deserve it either. God knows who I am, an arrogant child who thinks she has stuff dialed in....and yet she's totally blind to a monster residing inside her. I am so thankful for grace.
I am also so thankful that God is the perfecter of life. "God...please take my fear from me." I will never be able to remove my own fear.....obviously. But He can, (If I let go of it). God gives power over fear...as well as grace when I mess that up.
Who am I that He would love me?
